I’m not arguing that they should have to put up with innuendo, I’m arguing that if the comment is not outwardly sexual and hostile that they should not assume that it is. I think that non-sexual compliments should be allowed, I also think that testing the waters of flirtation should be allowed (but not up and down the power ladder). If I am working with a woman I should be allowed to test the waters of flirtation,if the behavior is not reciprocated I should stop immediately, the same rules should apply at a night club; this does not mean innuendo or sexually suggstive coments, I should not offer to mash her potatoe or give her a backrub, I should be able to give her a wry smile and say something like “how did you end up so clever”. I said it on the post on this in the other blog, when you prohibit that kind of behavior you are likely to see a prohibition economy of sorts form around that behavior, with only those who disregard the standards and norms partaking and thus having less competition, and conversely more success.
I’m sorry that I seem to have misunderstood your comments. I feel that my comments were geared pretty heavily towards the original comments made and as such any comment in response to them should probably reference the original comments fairly heavily, if not to talk about them, then to distinguish the subject matter from them.
1) I agree in general terms. Not every Man is above every woman on the power scale, this is not the middle east. (I’ll give you something like 7 times out of 10)
2) I agree, but with the caveat that I feel that most women feel entitled to make non-sexual coments on the physical appearence of men, so for the purposes of my response I will take that to mean that some Men feel that they are entitled to make sexually oriented comments about a womans physical appearance in public.
3) Back to an ideal world, I agree that undue pressure should not be applied, but an occasional comment should be allowed, I should also be able to comment on the appearence of men occasionally too. My Coworker Colin stopped wearing classes and switched to contacts, he looks horrible, I tell him every day (Although I would not tell a woman that); Another coworker Ali used to be a competitive figure skater and grew up putting on enough makeup that the judges could see it across the ice, from age 6 to age 19, one day she got up late and did not have time and only applied light makeup, I told her that she looks good with less makeup and that she should stick with it, because she “definitely [has] the skin for it”; now she looks human every day, It was a compliment, and a comment on her appearance, and it was totally non-sexual and she was better off for not having flown off the handle. Our humanity may be inescapable, the best we can do is try to set up systems that self correct for the errors in judgment that we work into the system.
5)Final point is also a point of agreement, as adjusted by your follow up post that is. Flirtation should not happen in front of other people, the pressure and embarrassment could be substantial and a detriment. I might actually go further than you here, and say that if it is sexual you shouldn’t say it to your coworker unless you have a flirting relationship going for a significant length of time.
I feel like there is a problem that people are willing to assume the worst of what men say, and in the end that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. In my post on Sheril’s treatment of the subject I said explicitly that one example she gave was of unacceptable behavior, yet still I was criticized for defending the guy, about whom all I had said was that his behavior was unacceptable. If you choose to take offense at everything someone says no matter what they say it will be offensive. I do not expect you (generalized, not you specifically) to suffer for my irrational behavior, I should not have to suffer for yours (This time I mean you explicitly … no, just kidding, still generalized you).
Source : http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2009/03/23/the-hive-overmind-grows-welcome-to-the-intersection/