Now that we’ve all watched series four of Black Mirror – if not, what have you been doing?! – we’re onto the really important stuff.
That is, what is the correct ranking of the episodes?
There have been 19 episodes in all in Charlie Brooker’s technological nightmare series, including the Christmas special, and everybody has their favourites.
But we here at Metro.co.uk needed to find out what the absolute greatest Black Mirror episode was, so decided to ask our office for their official ranking of all 19 episodes.
After judging them not-so-subtly and sending back angry questions like ‘Why the hell did you place [redacted] 15th?’, I compiled all of our reporters’ charts to find out what is the definitive* ranking of all of the series.
*Yes, definitive. All complaints can be filed in the comments section.
Major spoilers ahead…
19. The Waldo Moment
It’s official – the worst episode of all of Black Mirror is series two, episode three, The Waldo Moment.
This episode follows failed comedian who voices a blue cartoon bear who runs for MP, only for it to end up becoming the face of a totalitarian authority in the future – a future that pops up during the end credits and makes no sense.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, half of our reporters returned this in dead last, with one person saying: ‘This episode didn’t even need to be made.’
Sure, that might be harsh, but even Charlie Brooker admits he didn’t ‘nail’ this episode, so we stand by our decision. Skip this one in your Netflix binges, it doesn’t exist.
This offering from the sixth series is undoubtedly beautiful due to its black and white filming, but the story falls short.
The post-apocalyptic story centres on Bella, who attempts to outrun robotic guards known as ‘dogs’ that send trackers piercing through their targets’ skin.
While we all love Maxine Peake, this episode was a bit underwhelming, there was no real character development, and its lack of backstory or creepy lesson made it feel… well, not very Black Mirror.
A divisive one, this. Some people from the office ranked it dead bottom, others placed it surprisingly high. But all can agree on the ending being a bit too confusing to give it a high score in the end.
The story, about an immersive video game that shows players their most terrifying fears, is a strong plot – but the character actually dying four seconds into the playtest and the whole episode being in his head was a bit too ‘Dallas it was all a dream’ for us.
16. Men Against Fire
This series three episode was gritty and visceral, but the big plot twist – that the monster like ‘roaches’ are actually normal humans, and Stripe’s implant made him see them as zombie – was just a bit too expected.
Now, I actually really liked Crocodile, but have been voted down by my colleagues.
The story of a machine that can recall people’s memories, series six offering Crocodile was one of the bloodiest and most uncomfortable episodes to date, somewhat like a less successful Shut Up And Dance.
Perhaps the final twist – that the guinea pig that witnessed the child’s murder could have its memories read, thus catching out killer Mia – was just a bit too ridiculous for some tastes.
This Jodie Foster directed episode was a cool indie departure from Black Mirror’s usual style, but the open ending just wasn’t very satisfying.
Then there was the fact that the mum watching her daughter have sex was deeply cringeworthy (and expected – what did she think was going to happen by watching it???), and the glaring error that suggested using emergency contraception could abort a baby.
Must do better.
13. 15 Million Merits
Much of our office had to be reminded of episode two of series one, and while nobody disliked it per se, nobody was screaming from the rooftops about their love for it.
The twist on talent shows has been done so much before that the suggestion of exploitation isn’t all that new. But it’s visually gorgeous, and gave us Irma Thomas’s Anyone Who Knows What Love Is song that goes through the entire Black Mirror universe, so not a total loss.
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Nosedive is actually pretty great. But its middling ranking is because many of us tune into Black Mirror for utter devastation, and this was just too fun.
Bryce Dallas Howard as a reputation-obsessed wannabe social media queen was wickedly funny and the app, on which you rate people like Uber, in the episode is probably the most likely to exist out of all the Black Mirror inventions.
But did we leave the episode emotionally scarred? No, and that is not good enough. Soz Bryce.
11. Black Museum
The final episode of series four seems like a bit of a farewell to Black Mirror, which would be a very sad thing. But this ode to the series is clever, dark and manages to pack a whole lot into an hour.
It’s not the strongest compendium episode, though, so it loses marks.