The Official Ranking Of All 19 Black Mirror Episodes (decided By The Metro.co.uk Team)

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Now that we’ve all watched series four of Black Mirror – if not, what have you been doing?! – we’re onto the really important stuff.

That is, what is the correct ranking of the episodes?

There have been 19 episodes in all in Charlie Brooker’s technological nightmare series, including the Christmas special, and everybody has their favourites.

But we here at Metro.co.uk needed to find out what the absolute greatest Black Mirror episode was, so decided to ask our office for their official ranking of all 19 episodes.

After judging them not-so-subtly and sending back angry questions like ‘Why the hell did you place [redacted] 15th?’, I compiled all of our reporters’ charts to find out what is the definitive* ranking of all of the series.

*Yes, definitive. All complaints can be filed in the comments section.

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Major spoilers ahead…

19. The Waldo Moment

It’s official – the worst episode of all of Black Mirror is series two, episode three, The Waldo Moment.

This episode follows failed comedian who voices a blue cartoon bear who runs for MP, only for it to end up becoming the face of a totalitarian authority in the future – a future that pops up during the end credits and makes no sense.

>>> The Waldo Moment
The Waldo Moment just didn’t work (Picture: Netflix)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, half of our reporters returned this in dead last, with one person saying: ‘This episode didn’t even need to be made.’

Sure, that might be harsh, but even Charlie Brooker admits he didn’t ‘nail’ this episode, so we stand by our decision. Skip this one in your Netflix binges, it doesn’t exist.

18. Metalhead

This offering from the sixth series is undoubtedly beautiful due to its black and white filming, but the story falls short.

The post-apocalyptic story centres on Bella, who attempts to outrun robotic guards known as ‘dogs’ that send trackers piercing through their targets’ skin.

While we all love Maxine Peake, this episode was a bit underwhelming, there was no real character development, and its lack of backstory or creepy lesson made it feel… well, not very Black Mirror.

17. Playtest

A divisive one, this. Some people from the office ranked it dead bottom, others placed it surprisingly high. But all can agree on the ending being a bit too confusing to give it a high score in the end.

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The story, about an immersive video game that shows players their most terrifying fears, is a strong plot – but the character actually dying four seconds into the playtest and the whole episode being in his head was a bit too ‘Dallas it was all a dream’ for us.

16. Men Against Fire

This series three episode was gritty and visceral, but the big plot twist – that the monster like ‘roaches’ are actually normal humans, and Stripe’s implant made him see them as zombie – was just a bit too expected.

Next.

15. Crocodile

Now, I actually really liked Crocodile, but have been voted down by my colleagues.

The story of a machine that can recall people’s memories, series six offering Crocodile was one of the bloodiest and most uncomfortable episodes to date, somewhat like a less successful Shut Up And Dance.

>>> Crocodile Black Mirror
Crocodile wasn’t as well received as some of Black Mirror’s earlier dark offerings (Picture: Netflix)

Perhaps the final twist – that the guinea pig that witnessed the child’s murder could have its memories read, thus catching out killer Mia – was just a bit too ridiculous for some tastes.

14. Arkangel

This Jodie Foster directed episode was a cool indie departure from Black Mirror’s usual style, but the open ending just wasn’t very satisfying.

Then there was the fact that the mum watching her daughter have sex was deeply cringeworthy (and expected – what did she think was going to happen by watching it???), and the glaring error that suggested using emergency contraception could abort a baby.

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Must do better.

13. 15 Million Merits

Much of our office had to be reminded of episode two of series one, and while nobody disliked it per se, nobody was screaming from the rooftops about their love for it.

The twist on talent shows has been done so much before that the suggestion of exploitation isn’t all that new. But it’s visually gorgeous, and gave us Irma Thomas’s Anyone Who Knows What Love Is song that goes through the entire Black Mirror universe, so not a total loss.

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12. Nosedive

Nosedive is actually pretty great. But its middling ranking is because many of us tune into Black Mirror for utter devastation, and this was just too fun.

Bryce Dallas Howard as a reputation-obsessed wannabe social media queen was wickedly funny and the app, on which you rate people like Uber, in the episode is probably the most likely to exist out of all the Black Mirror inventions.

But did we leave the episode emotionally scarred? No, and that is not good enough. Soz Bryce.

11. Black Museum

The final episode of series four seems like a bit of a farewell to Black Mirror, which would be a very sad thing. But this ode to the series is clever, dark and manages to pack a whole lot into an hour.

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It’s not the strongest compendium episode, though, so it loses marks.

10. USS Callister

Into the top ten we go. Props to Black Mirror for managing to get us thinking this was an episode actually set in space. The concept is clever, the visuals great, and anything with Michaela Coel in it gets a thumbs up from us.

The slightly ambiguous ending leaves us wanting more, though.

9. White Christmas

The better of the two compendiums, in Metro.co.uk’s humble opinion.

>>> Black Mirror White Christmas
Who wouldn’t like a Christmas special with Jon Hamm? (Picture: Zeppotron / Channel 4

With all the Christmas cheer of an EastEnders festive special, White Christmas manages to entertain and also horrify – particularly with the idea that people could be made to experience five minutes as 30 years as a form of punishment.

Plus, Jon Hamm. Who could want more?

8. Be Right Back

Starring Domhnall Gleeson before he really made it big, Be Right Back is probably the saddest of Black Mirror’s offerings.

While technology is at the heart of it – with Domhnall’s character being brought back to his girlfriend via a weird replica after his death – Be Right Back deals with loss and love sensitively, and even without the dystopian aspect, it would still tug at the heartstrings.

7. Hated In The Nation

Another crowd-splitter, this. The feature-length Black Mirror episode received a lot of high ratings, but also very low ones, completely skewing its place. Sorry about that.

Personally, I loved this episode – the parable on why you shouldn’t tell somebody to die on Twitter, lest you be murdered by a hijacked bee may be slightly overblown, but Kelly Macdonald and Faye Marsay are excellent, and there’s so many twist and turns that it feels almost cinematic.

6. Hang The DJ

Some criminally low ratings have given Hang The DJ an unfairly low ranking, for which I can only apologise.

The most successful episode of series four by far, this look at love on dating apps may concern a computer simulation, but is one of the most relatable Black Mirrors there is.

Anyone who has used Tinder, OK Cupid or Bumble will see a bit of themselves in Frank and Amy attempt to find love. And the sweet payoff at the end of the episode is definitely bound to warm your cockles.

5. Shut Up And Dance

Shut Up And Dance is almost a painful watch it’s so bleak, but that’s why we love it so much.

>>> Shut Up And Dance
Shut Up And Dance is probably the most grim of Black Mirror’s tales (Picture: Netflix/Kobal/REX/Shutterstock

The uber-grim episode sees teenager Kenny being blackmailed after being watched masturbating through his laptop camera. That is tense enough – but the ending, where we discover that Kenny’s crime was not what we thought, is a punch in the gut.

Black Mirror’s stomach-churning horror at its best.

4. The National Anthem

The episode that started it all, and that had us all thinking Charlie Brooker was legit a mind reader.

Rory Kinnear plays the Prime Minister, who has been threatened by a blackmailer that he will murder the princess if he doesn’t shag a pig on live television.

The plot seems ludicrous – and it is – but it’s actually a rather grim look at the humiliation we will watch on television and how oblivious we are to things happening around us.

The episode was made infamous, though, when allegations regarding David Cameron and a pig’s head circulated. Brooker maintains he did not know about it.

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3. The Entire History Of You

This episode was so popular that the idea was snapped up by Robert Downey Jr for a big-screen adaptation – which we’re still waiting for, by the way, Robert.

The story teams a device which allows you to re-watch your memories (which, let’s face it, will probably become a thing) with real human emotions of jealousy and obsession, resulting in a classic tale of infidelity and betrayal.

Plus, it has the Doctor Jodie Whittaker in it – always a bonus.

2. White Bear

Our runner-up is the episode which reflects the worst on our society, because let’s face it – we’d all do the same as the bystanders.

The episode sees a woman being chased and terrorised through a forest, until we eventually discover that she’s being forced to forget who she – a child killer – is every day and relive torture and misery over and over again.

The chilling twist takes you by surprise and leaves you reflecting on how we react to villains.

The episode is so beloved that Victoria Skillane pops up across the universe in other installments.

1. San Junipero

Well, what else could it be, really?

>>> San Junipero
San Junipero is as close to perfection as Black Mirror can get (Picture: Netflix)

This episode from the third series won an Emmy for Charlie Brooker and has received the highest critical acclaim of any Black Mirror episode – and now, it’s the Metro.co.uk number one. Which is obviously the best accolade.

The love story between Kelly and Yorkie – two women who, we discover, have had their souls uploaded to a sort of alternate reality as a precursor to death – is one of the best representations of queer romance on television in years, and doesn’t use their sexuality as a gimmick.

And when you find out that Yorkie is living her true self while in a hospital bed with locked-in syndrome, we defy any of you not to cry.

Throw in one of the best soundtracks ever – Heaven Is A Place On Earth will never sound the same again – and you have a masterpiece.

Take a bow, Brooker.

All four series of Black Mirror are available to stream on Netflix.

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Source : https://metro.co.uk/2018/01/22/official-ranking-19-black-mirror-episodes-decided-metro-co-uk-team-7249799/

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